What Are You Waiting For? Embrace Your Power

I have recently become very interested in articles written by Gail Blanke in Real Simple Magazine. I think she is full of empowering and positive ideas about truly living life. I would like to share her words to others. Here is an article published in the September 2007 issue of Real Simple Magazine. It may seem long, but worth the read. Enjoy!

What Are You Waiting For? Embrace Your PowerI’ve always loved this Marianne Williamson quote:

Our deepest fear is not that we’re inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

Powerful beyond all measure — just imagine. Imagine having the power to step forward and change anything we want to change; to have a point of view, stand up firmly for it, and be strong. Sounds simple. And yet even the most confident among us give away that power from time to time. It’s not because we’re weak or because our courage fails us; it’s because we don’t know how strong we really are. Even if we get a glimmer of our true grit, we back off. “Whoa, girl!” we say. “Let’s not get carried away.”

And so we wait. We put our power on hold while we wait for the signal or the invitation or the exact right moment or until the planets are aligned before we take that step to change our lives or our world. (I’m not kidding. I know a woman who won’t move forward with her life at all if Mercury is in retrograde!) A lot of us are waiting until the children are older. A woman I coached years ago who wanted to advance her career said, “I know, Gail. I should make my move pretty soon. But you know, I’m just waiting for my son to get a little older.”

“How old is he now?” I asked.

“He’ll be 30 on his next birthday. But I just want to be sure…” she trailed off.

Why do we do it? Well, let’s face it: We’re still told, in so many subtle and not-so-subtle ways, that people don’t like strong women. Many of us are not sure if our bosses, our spouses, or our kids will still love us or want us if we fully express our power. I’ve seen woman after woman shine a little less brightly so she doesn’t offend anyone — including other women. One female manager I know agreed not to accept any more interviews with the media about her work and to stop giving speeches lest she further alienate her insecure boss. If she waits long enough, maybe he’ll feel good enough about himself to allow her to shine. She could wait a lifetime.

Some of us are so eager not to lose that we disqualify ourselves before the race even begins: “Now that I think about it, my proposal isn’t all that great. Don’t bother to read it. Maybe I’ll redo it for another time.” How many times have we heard ourselves say that or something darned close to it? And do we ever “redo” it? Not likely. Who knows how many wonderful world-changing, life-changing, fortune-changing, or just day-changing ideas bit the dust because someone smart, talented, and passionate gave away her power.

Here’s a poignant story about a friend of mine who doubted her power. Her name is Lue Ann Eldar, and she’s the executive director and chief executive officer of Casita Maria, a charitable organization that has helped tens of thousands of Latinos in New York City. Lue Ann knows she’s worthy — of being listened to, of being taken seriously, of leading. But she sure didn’t start out that way. Back in 1978, when she was 23, Lue Ann had a passion for classical music and a huge admiration for one of the great opera impresarios, Sir Rudolf Bing. For years, Sir Rudolf had been general manager of the Metropolitan Opera. So Lue Ann wrote to ask if he would agree to meet with her and consider taking her on as an intern.

About a week later, she received a letter from Sir Rudolf’s office. She looked at the envelope long and hard, turned it over and over, but didn’t open it. In fact, she didn’t open it that week or that month or even that year. She kept it unopened in a box with some forgettable keepsakes, taking it out now and then but never even breaking the seal on the envelope — for 19 years.

“Good grief, why?” I asked when she told me this.

“Because I didn’t think I was good enough. I only saw my flaws and failures. And, frankly, I just didn’t want to know that he had rejected me,” she said. “I didn’t want to read what I was sure would be his ‘Thanks, but no thanks’ response.”

Then, in 1997, Sir Rudolf died. It was only after he was gone that Lue Ann retrieved the letter from the box, opened it, and read these words from the impresario: “I’d be delighted to meet with you. You sound like a very accomplished and talented young woman. Please call my office to set up an appointment. I look forward to hearing from you.”

Lue Ann was stunned. She was both thrilled at and appalled by herself. At that moment, she vowed never to shortchange or sabotage herself again. And with few exceptions (old habits are hard to break), she hasn’t. Not surprisingly, she’s terrific at encouraging other women to recognize their self-worth. “Don’t be a smart gal with dumb fear,” she tells them. “Fear is nothing more or less than False Evidence Appearing Real.”

Of course, I believe that most things work out the way they’re supposed to and that harboring regrets from past “mistakes” is pointless and energy draining. But it is worth noting that Lue Ann may very well have passed up a delightful and instructive experience by giving away her power (literally hiding it in a box!) rather than owning and celebrating it. It’s also worth noting that this was a smart woman who did this to herself, as smart women, so wary of failure, often do. I bet if you look back at your life, you’ll find instances big and small where you’ve done the same thing.

But it’s time to change all that. In fact, there has never been a better time for women to step up. And that’s not just coming from me. According to Helen Fisher, a well-known biological anthropologist from Rutgers University and the author of four books, including The First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World, the innate abilities of women are more aligned than ever with the needs of a society that is no longer black-and-white but all kinds of gray — where creativity and creative thinking are so highly valued. “Women have different brains,” Fisher told me recently. “For the most part, their ability to see patterns and possibilities, their ability to thrive in ambiguity, to be mentally flexible, to be articulate, passionate, imaginative, and collegial — sometimes all at the same time — makes them invaluable members of any 21st-century team or community.”

How do you embrace your power? First of all, don’t add up the times you messed up; add up the times you showed up big. I often refer to trapeze artists because I love their attitude. When they walk into the big top and begin the climb to that high pedestal, you can bet they try to recall their very best knockout performance — the time they thrilled an awestruck crowd, not the time they hit the net. I’ve heard they have a great saying, which I included in my book Between Trapezes: “The greatest flyers are always the greatest fallers.”

And this is really important: Trapeze artists never confuse falling with failing. So why should we? To own our power, we need to abandon our fear — our fear of looking foolish and, yes, our fear of falling. Oh, to be sure, when you’re up for something big in any area of your life, you will get that knot in your stomach and hear that voice cry out, “Wait!” But don’t listen. Move forward anyway. Speak up anyway. Present your plan, declare your passion, open the envelope anyway.

After all, who are we not to be “brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous”? Who are we not to step forward and be heard, to take our places in the world? We are powerful beyond all measure. It’s time to know it, to revel in it, to fully and finally own it. Go on. What are you waiting for?

4 Steps to Embracing Your Power

1. Don’t disqualify yourself from the race before it even begins. Doubting yourself is no way to get things done.

2. Make a list of your “wins”: the times you made the catch, made the call, or made the day. Revel in your wins every time you face a new challenge.

3. Abandon the list of your “losses.” No great trapeze artist ever walks into the big top thinking about the time she fell. Don’t you do it, either.

4. When the opportunity presents itself, take it. When the opening occurs, step forward. When the envelope arrives, open it.